The More We Know, The Dumber We Are

4 Jan

First I want to wish a very Happy New Year to all. I hope everyone had an awesome 2012 and that 2013 has started off spectacular.

I have always considered myself a very positive, optimistic person. I despise those who are negative and try to distance myself from them the majority of the time.

That said, I hate to start the New Year off with a negative post but I must vent.

Fewer things annoy me more in this life than stupid people. By no means am I prophesying that I am one of the smartest people in the world but I am college grad, a Master’s degree holder and feel that I have a PhD in Common Sense.

Stupid People in this day and age never cease to amaze me. We live in an era where every form of information is at our fingertips. Any correct answer we need is one Google search away yet people seem to know less today than ever before. It seems that the information age has created a minion of idiots that far outnumber those with intellect.

People will believe anything and everything they read and will neglect to research the site they obtain said information. Any proof and fact needed from this statement can be found on any message board from any genre.

Further escalating stupidity is the creation of Facebook & Twitter. When used properly, each mechanism can be used as a tool to make someone a very smart person but when put in the hands of a complete moron, the side effects of Facebook & Twitter can kill a multitude of brain cells. Some of the Facebook wall posts and tweets on Twitter are outright stunning. It’s literally shocking the stupidity some feel inclined to post.

To each their own but understand, whatever you post, there can and will be repercussions.

A surreal story occurred couple of months ago that brought everything full circle. Someone informed me on the supposed death of Jerry Springer. Those of you who are smart may be doing a quick Google search to see how Jerry Springer died. No search is needed because (SPOLIER ALERT) ​Jerry Springer is NOT dead. His death was the work of an internet hoax which millions of morons actually believed and neglected to do any research to learn otherwise. The morons who read the report passed falsified information via word of mouth or through social networking sites such as Facebook and Twitter.

Think about how lazy we have truly become. Think about the things we ALL should know that most people do not know.

Maybe I’m crazy or am asking way too much but I feel there are some things in the way of knowledge that should be given’s.

Everyone in the United State should know the capital is in Washington DC. Further, everyone in the United States should know the President is Barack Obama. Whatever state you live in, you should know the capital. I don’t think it is asking too much for everyone to know their Congressperson for their district and two Senators for their state but by saying this, I know I am getting in to very gray territory for those that feel otherwise.

I understand this message will fall on deaf ears and nothing will change from this post, mainly because those who need to read this, will not.

I beg you all though, please use 2013 to make yourself a better, smarter person so that stupidity will stop multiplying.

In the immortal words of John Wayne, “Life’s hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.”

Bloodbath: The SEC Championship Game

30 Nov

Follow me on Twitter @SquirrelTew or @TheTewNetwork

I was raised an Alabama Fan, went to college at Ole Miss and am an eternal SEC Homer. The dominance Alabama and the Southeastern Conference has had over the better part of the last two decades has been sweet and I wish nothing more than for continued success on the playing field.

The SEC has won the last 6 BCS Titles and is guaranteed a seventh straight appearance in the BCS Title Game in 2012. More impressive is the fact that three of the last five years the SEC Championship Game has acted as the BCS National Semifinal (2008: #1 Alabama v. #2 Florida, 2009: #1 Florida v. #2 Alabama & 2012: #2 Alabama v. #3 Georgia).

These facts aside, I must admit for your submission that, for the most part, the SEC Championship Game has lacked any competitiveness and in most cases has been unwatchable. Take a look at the final scores of every SEC Championship Game since its inception in 1992. It’s downright gruesome in some cases.

1992
#12 Florida 21, #2 Alabama 28

1993
#9 Florida 28, #16 Alabama 13

1994
#6 Florida 24, #3 Alabama 23

1995
#2 Florida 34, #23 Arkansas 3

1996
#4 Florida 45, #11 Alabama 30

1997
#3 Tennessee 30, #11 Auburn 29

1998
#1 Tennessee 24, #23 Mississippi State
14

1999
#5 Florida 7, #7 Alabama 34

2000
#7 Florida 28, #18 Auburn 6

2001
#2 Tennessee 20, #21 LSU 31

2002
#4 Georgia 30, #22 Arkansas 3

2003
#5 Georgia 13, #3 LSU 34

2004
#15 Tennessee 28, #3 Auburn 38

2005
#13 Georgia 34, #3 LSU 14

2006
#4 Florida 38, #8 Arkansas 28

2007
#14 Tennessee 14, #5 LSU 21

2008
#2 Florida 31, #1 Alabama 20

2009
#1 Florida 13, #2 Alabama 32

2010
#19 South Carolina 17, #1 Auburn 56

2011
#12 Georgia 10, #1 LSU 42

For those wanting more in depth stats, let me break it down for you:

The total point differential in the 21 games thus far the SEC Championship Game has been played is 333. That is an average of a 17 point shellacking each time East meets West. Moreover, there have only been 4 times in the history of the SEC Championship Game that the game has been within single digits when the clock hit triple zeros for the last time:

1992: Alabama 28, Florida 21

1994: Florida 24, Alabama 23

1997: Tennessee 30, Auburn 29

2007: LSU 21, Tennessee 14

For the four games that have been close, there has been double the amount of blowouts. Eight times the point differential has exceeded 20+ points (1995, 1999, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2005, 2010 & 2011). The last two years alone, the combined point differential has been 71 points (2010: Auburn 56, South Carolina 17. 2011: LSU 42, Georgia 10).

By no means am I calling for the cancellation of the game. As documented in the SEC Storied Documentary on ESPN, The Play That Changed College Football, the SEC Championship Game has done wonders for the Conference and in at least three instances has catapulted an otherwise left out SEC Champion into the BCS Title Game where the BCS Title was eventually won:

2003: #3 LSU defeated #5 Georgia 34-13 which resulted in LSU being chosen over #2 USC. LSU defeated Oklahoma 21-14 for the BCS Title.

2006: #4 Florida defeated #8 Arkansas 38-28 which resulted in Florida being chosen over a 1-loss Michigan Team whose only loss was a 3-point defeat to #1 Ohio State. Florida went on to hammer Ohio State in the BCS Title, 41-14.

2007: #5 LSU defeated #14 Tennessee 21-14 which resulted in LSU moving up five spaces in the BCS Standings after Armageddon took place in the final Saturday of College Football. LSU went on to beat Ohio State 38-24 in the BCS Title.

The game serves a worthy purpose and has transformed the face of college football in favor of the SEC since its inception but 17 times out of 21, the game has been a complete and utter blowout.

Viewer beware: This game could get out of hand if it anything like the normal SEC Championship Game. We will find out soon enough if this years’ game will be yet another link on the bloodbath’s chain. My Alabama fandom is wishing for a Tide annihilation of the Georgia Bulldogs but my SEC Homer side will be satisfied with an epic overtime game for the ages which hopefully will start a trend to help turn this game in to a more watchable product for years to come.

An Election Promise: Its Going To Be Okay

7 Nov

By: Jeff “Squirrel” Tew

(Follow me on Twitter @SquirrelTew or @TheTewNetwork)

Those who know me know I am a sports junkie and have been for the better part of the past 25 years. On command I can spew off random stats about Football, Basketball and Baseball, College or Pro. I’m not half bad at golf or tennis history considering I watch those sports sparingly at best. Being a history buff in general I began to see a correlation in sports and politics and, at the age of sixteen, became to be somewhat of a political savant. I was a political junkie and even went as far as to follow that passion in college.

Raised in Alabama as a Fan of the Crimson Tide, I moved to Mississippi at the age of thirteen and followed my friends to Ole Miss. I graduated with a Political Science degree with aspirations to one day be Governor. After graduation, I became involved with two separate elections, one Democrat and one Republican. I quickly became disgusted at what I saw from both sides, the mudslinging and condescension. I began to reexamine myself and realized that I was a little bit of both parties: Fiscally conservative and socially liberal. At that point, my allegiances became more in line with being a Libertarian though I understand fully that for every election forevermore I will more than likely have to choose between a Republican and a Democrat.

Now on to the present, I don’t know about you but I am beyond ready for today to be over. I live in Mississippi, which is a stronghold for Romney and the Republican Party. Politics aside, I am completely fine with that. I mention that to say this: I live in a State where Republicans are assured of winning yet we still have been barraged with Obama and Romney commercials. I beg to ask the question….Why? Commercials on both ends are comical. It’s the same song and dance. Both sides blasting the other for not having a plan or using fear tactics to try to sway votes. I’m not saying the political process is unnecessary. Having free elections is arguably the most important thing we do in this country. What I am saying is this: Does the presidency truly matter anymore? What are the chances that anything gets accomplished in the next four years, no matter who is elected? I’m guess the odds lie between slim and none.

Many people from the right and left call this an “important election” and “the election to end all elections”. Many on both sides have even gone as far as to say that this country could cease to exist if the wrong man is elected or that our liberties could be taken away with the wrong choice. Really? Let me give you all a quick history lesson and why I feel these statements are a product of fear and idiocy. Think back and regale what this country has seen, what we have been through as a nation:

*Jamestown and the Pilgrims came in the face of months of journey at sea as well as brutal winters, they survived.

*Over a hundred years later we broke away from England and a revolution occurred, we survived.

*A constitution was formed and uncertainty ensued, we survived.

*Less than one hundred years later we battled each other in the Civil War. Over 600,000 Americans were killed and almost another half million were wounded. The nation was nearly destroyed. WE SURVIVED!!

*A World War broke out, we survived.

*Less than thirty years later another World War broke out. This time our entrance in the War started with an attack on our soil. We won and we survived.

*The Cold War started and for 25 years, the United States found itself on the precipice of nuclear war. We survived.

*Vietnam began. Nearly 60,000 Americans were killed and over 300,000 were wounded. The nation was torn apart, we survived.

*September 11, 2001: The first time in 60 years the United States was attacked on a large scale by the enemy. Over 3,000 died, the nation was terrorized and many feared that we could not carry on. We survived.

*Wars in Afghanistan and Iraq took place as a result of 9/11. Over 3,000 service people have been killed and additional 25,000+ have been wounded. We survived.

Dear God, how awesome and relentless is this nation?! Today we embark on the 57th Election of the United States Presidency. My point is not to discourage you from voting because of apathy. I beg you all to exercise your right to suffrage. Countless men and women have died so that we may have the right to vote. My point in this piece is to make a promise to you all: Whether Mitt Romney is elected or Barack Obama is re-elected, I assure you, we will survive and very little will change because we are and will always be the United States of America.

Texas: The Paper Tiger of College Athletics

20 Oct

Texas: The Paper Tiger of College Athletics

By: Jeff “SQUIRREL” Tew

Follow me on Twitter @SquirrelTew or @TheTewNetwork

For the most part, the University of Texas is seen as a traditional power and dominant program in all of athletics. This dominance can be viewed in many ways.

First and foremost, Texas is a gigantic land mass which contains three of the nine largest cities in the United States. Texas is flooded with a wealth of talent academically and athletically. Texas has been plentiful in oil for over the past century and, in the past twenty years, has exploded with an abundant technology base creating Dell-ionaires galore. The endowment of the University of Texas is $7.2 BILLION which, by size, ranks in the Top 10 of all collegiate endowments.

Adding to all of this, the University of Texas is situated in the awesome and impressive city of Austin, the capital of Texas and a city which has over a million residents.

With this accumulation of monetary wealth, superior athletic talent and advantageous location of campus comes an athletic atrocity. For decades, Texas has pulled the wool over the eyes of the athletic world, parading itself as one of “THE” programs in the nation. In reality, I question if any athletic program in the country has underachieved more. I bring to you the following points to back up my thesis.

In its illustrious football history in which Texas ranks third in all time wins (862), the “Shorthorns” have only won 4 National Titles. This in itself is an abomination and should be the single greatest embarrassment of the University of Texas athletic department.

Let’s take a quick look at other football programs that have won more National Titles than Texas and have done so with less wins:

*Alabama: 14 National Titles in 819 wins. I know, I know. How many of those 14 are legit? As much as other fanbases as well as Clay Travis (the king of college sports media) want to bash Bama for claiming too many titles, the NCAA actually recognizes 13 of 14 . As a Bama fan, I can also attest that another couple of titles by reputable organizations have gone unclaimed by the university (1945 & 1966), so we’ll just call it even at 14.

*Ohio State: 7 National Titles in 831 wins. Though I hate the B1G with every fiber of my being, I give credit where it is due. Ohio State has the most National Titles of any B1G school in the modern era and remains relevant every year. And they are located above the Mason-Dixon Line where most recruits have chosen not to go over the past 2 decades. In a year where the B1G is hemorrhaging, Ohio State, even on probation, is the only team in that conference that realizes there is a football season going on. They remain undefeated in week 7.

*Oklahoma: 7 National Titles in 821 wins. This, by far, has to be salt in the wound for all Texas diehards. Here is Oklahoma, your biggest rival, a state which borders you. The entire state of Oklahoma contains only half the population of the entire Dallas metroplex, yet Oklahoma has almost twice as many National Titles than you. The Sooners have 3 more Heisman Trophy winners than Texas and have 7 Conference Titles to your 2 in the BCS era. Burn!

Please enlighten me, Texas fan, how you can only have 4 National Titles in your existence?

Keep in mind, Texas has had 53 Consensus All Americans, has won 32 Conference Titles and for the past 50 years has rarely been out of the Top 10 in recruiting… EVER. You have the clout to go in to any high school in the state of Texas and choose your five star recruits without pause or reservation yet you only have 4 National Titles in your entire history?

Most astounding of this point is that Texas went 35 seasons in the post-integration era without winning a National Title (1970 to 2005). I did not even expound upon the fact that Texas is barely .500 in bowls (26-22-2). Please, please tell me, Texas: How does this happen?!

Moreover, how does the entire college football galaxy keep giving Texas a pass for such mediocrity and not outing it as the fraud that they are?

The luster for ordinary extends to the basketball arena too. Care to guess how many National Titles Texas has won in Men’s Basketball? I’ll give you a clue… it rhymes with “Hero”. Care to guess how many Final Fours Texas has been to overall? 3. They’ve only been to one since the Truman Administration (One, in 2003).

Those stats may not be that stunning until you realize that Texas has 30 NCAA basketball tournament appearances. Put in perspective, that’s only 6 less appearances than Indiana (5 National Titles, 8 Final Fours) and Duke (4 National Titles, 15 Final Fours). And don’t tell me Texas that you are a “football” school, because the stats I provided earlier, coupled with your porous product on the field this year prove otherwise.

I could go on further about how your famed “Texas Longhorn Network” has comparable ratings to that of preseason MLS games or airings of the Razzie Award Winning “Battlefield Earth” but I feel I’ve made my point.

From an SEC Homer to its newest member: Props to Texas A&M for doing what Texas never had the stones to do….join a conference that is bigger than themselves. A&M finally divorced from the trainwreck of a rival that is Texas. I assure Aggies, you’ll be much better off for this move and the rewards of your risk are already being portrayed. I envision a day, sooner than later, when TAMU wins the BCS Title and the echoes of the “SEC chant” are heard in Austin and its citizens weep uncontrollably.

Look at it this way Texas Fans, there is one thing you have mastered and dominated: The art of being a Con to all those who watch sports. That, and holding hostage every conference you have ever had membership. How you held the Southwest Conference and are holding the BIG12 at gun point should be taught by jihadists. It’s truly astounding.

I guess the old adage is true: Everything is bigger in Texas……including underachievers like you.

Bill Curry: A Great Man

27 Sep

On October 30, 1977 I was born in Dothan, Alabama to a family who had bled Alabama Crimson since the football teams’ inception in 1892. Safe to say, growing up, all I knew was Alabama football.

Wanting to further engrain my DNA in Alabama fandom, my Dad took the liberty of having Alabama coaches sign and send me memorabilia. In my possession, I have a signed picture of “Bear” Bryant addressed to me and dated just months before his death.

After the Bear’s death, my Dad upped the ante and began to have Alabama coaches call me on my birthday. On October 30, 1985 we were living in Birmingham. I will never forget the call that came…. Coach Ray Perkins. To an 8 year old kid who followed the Tide religiously, I was equally star struck and floored. I am certain Coach Perkins wondered if he were speaking to dead air because I was so nervous, I hardly uttered a syllable. The only words I recall saying were at the end of call when I exclaimed, “Thank you Coach Perkins, Roll Tide.”

Most amazing and memorable of the conversations I was able to have with Alabama coaches was the phone call I received on October 30, 1987. The phone rang and on the other end was Coach Bill Curry. As a then 10 year old, who had already gone through this drill with Coach Perkins, I was somewhat more at ease. Coach Curry and I made small talk for a minute and I sensed the call was about to be over. What was coming next though left me feeling as if I were in a dream. Coach Curry said, “Jeff, I have talked with your Dad and I want you to come to a practice next week. We’re playing LSU and would love for you both to see us prepare.” I was speechless.

The next week my Dad drove over to Tuscaloosa and to our amazement, as we arrived we were greeted by Coach Curry in front of the Alabama practice facility. Coach Curry gave us a tour of the football complex and led us in to the locker room where the players were preparing to enter the practice field. Me and my Dad stuck by Coach Curry the entire practice as he explained plays and scenarios. Later, Coach Curry even let me walk up to Bear’s famous tower. Though Bama was preparing for LSU in Death Valley the next week, Coach Curry treated us like we were the only people there.

Towards the end of the practice I played catch with then quarterback David Smith who was rehabbing an injured shoulder. Coach Curry even went as far as to let me run a play with the offense in which I handed the ball off to Bobby Humphrey. Think about the impression all of these things had on a 10 year old kid who lived and died by the Tide.

After practice concluded, Coach Curry took me and my Dad up to his office. Though we should have been at his mercy and thanked him eternally for the privilege he afforded, Coach Curry actually thanked us for making the trip and being such supportive fans. As a parting gift, Coach Curry offered us two signed Alabama hats. I was on cloud nine.

The story doesn’t end here. In February of 1988 our home in Birmingham burned while we were away on a family trip. We lost over fifty percent of the items to fire. The two hats Coach Curry had signed perished. The next day my father made two calls. The first call was to the insurance company to file a claim. The second call was to Coach Curry’s secretary to let her know of the incident.

Later that week two new hats arrived with a letter from Coach Curry sending his condolences for our losses. Twenty Five years later, I remain stunned by the overwhelming kindness displayed by Coach Curry.

Looking at the career of Bill Curry, some Alabama fans will regale a man who was not an “Alabama man”, a mediocre coach who could never beat Auburn. Remember, Coach Curry had a brick thrown through his office window by a faceless coward in disgust of his futility to Auburn. After Coach Curry’s loss in the 1990 Sugar Bowl to Miami, a season in which Curry went 10-2, finished in the Top 10 and was awarded the SEC and Bobby Dodd Award for Coach of the Year, he was abruptly fired.

This, sadly, is the legacy most in the Alabama community will remember of Coach Curry. I, on the other hand, will forever recall a man who went above and beyond the call of his coaching duty to show a 10 year old Alabama Fan a day he will never ever forget.

Thank you, Coach Curry.

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Before The Season Starts: 2012 Edition

9 Aug

**WARNING: This is a Squirrelian length post. If you read this all, it will take A LOT of time but is well worth EVERY Second. Clips are provided via links shown if you would like visual effects**

Your Team: Born and Raised an Alabama Fan into a diehard Bama Family with my Wife’s University of Alabama Alumni Status as a “reason for me to come back after an 8 year hiatus”. I’m a very proud Ole Miss Alumni and wish the Rebs well in each game but ONE.

Hometown: Brandon, MS (City)

Current City: Brandon, MS (Reservoir – Only those who have been to Rankin County will “get” this)

SEC East Champion: South Carolina

SEC East Last Place: Kentucky. I don’t see 4 wins total on their schedule and they’ll be lucky to win one SEC Game. There will be a “For Sale” sign in Joker’s front yard by the Vandy Game (November 3rd, 2012). An honest side question: Will there be more people at Kentucky’s first 2 home exhibition games in basketball against Northwood and Transylvania (combined for those 2 games: 23,500 x 2= 47,000) or more people at the Kentucky-Samford football game in Lexington on November 17th, 2012? I’m going with the former since Kentucky will be 2-8 going into that game (if things go the best they can). I honestly don’t see more than 40,000 at Commonwealth for the Samford game.

SEC West Champion: LSU. I really, really, really hope Nick Saban proves me wrong. I know its two completely different years but the reason I’m picking LSU is because of 2010. Reason: With Mark Ingram, Trent Richardson, Julio Jones and a host of other athletic freaks, the Tide went 9-3. I see Bama more than likely going 11-1, no worse than 10-2 if things fall apart. Nick Saban, please make me look foolish, I BEG YOU!

SEC West Last Place: Ole Miss. If Hugh Freeze goes 5-7, he should receive the award for Coach of the Century. Ole Miss “should” start the season 3-1 with its only loss coming at the hands of Texas (in Oxford). Starting on 9.29.2012, Ole Miss’ schedule goes as follows: @Alabama, Texas A&M, Auburn, OPEN DATE, @Arkansas, @Georgia, Vanderbilt, @LSU, Mississippi State. Please tell me where any logical person sees more than 1 win through that 8 game gauntlet. It’s waterboarding brutal.

SEC Champion: South Carolina. Georgia does not have to play Bama, LSU or Arkansas but will find some way to screw it up as always.

National Championship Game: South Carolina V. Oklahoma. Worth noting that Oklahoma has played in and lost the last 2 BCS Title Games that have taken place @ the Orange Bowl (2004 Season/2005 BCS Title Game: Annihilated by Southern Cal 55-19 and 2008 Season/2009 BCS Title Game losing to Florida 24-14). Though it irks Andy Johnson and leaves him dumbfounded and may actually not make much sense, I like to follow trends in College Football.

National Champion: South Carolina. I give credit to Clay Travis for his assistance in swaying me on this. The more I looked at South Carolina in what they did last year and what they “should” do this year, I think they are underrated at #9 and have an excellent shot at winning it all. I may be completely off base but time will tell this season. The only game I see South Carolina losing is @LSU. I see South Carolina winning the rematch in the SEC Championship Game. If @LSU is South Carolina’s only loss, there is no way they are left out of the BCS Title Game.

Heisman: Marcus Lattimore. If he has the year I think he will have, South Carolina will have the year I think they will have.

SEC Coach(es) that are gone after this season: Joker Phillips and John L Smith. Mark Richt is a dark horse to this list if the wheels come off of the train in Georgia.

Biggest SEC Upset of the year: Missouri over Georgia. This is Georgia’s first SEC Game of the Season and Missouri’s first SEC Game EVER. As Steve Spurrier said, “Georgia always loses games early because they’ve got players suspended”. The goalposts come down in Columbia and S.E.C chants will be heard from Kansas City to St. Louis. Vomit.

If you could go to 1 Game this year, it would be: Alabama V. LSU. I have owed my Wife this trip since Dave Matthews in Nashville, 2009. There is no way we make it this year since we will have an 8 week old baby boy at that time but hopefully we can make the Bama-LSU game @ Tiger Stadium in 2014.

Biggest SEC Thug: Tyler Bray. Who throws bottles at cars….and trying to do it for the affection of a girl? That’s an O.G. plus he has an amazing. Thuggish Back Tat.

SEC Coach who should join him: Trooper Taylor (I’m not going to stop the trend).

SEC Team you hope goes winless: Mississippi State. I will gladly pay $1,000 if Dan Mullen never uttered another syllable but then again, everything that comes out of his mouth is hilarious, and by hilarious, I mean ridiculous and could never happen (State winning a National Title). Rest assured though, Dan is dead serious and believes it can happen.

Non-SEC Team you hope goes winless: Notre Dame. The most overrated program in the history of sport. I’ll admit that they’ve had the SEC’s number in the past which may be a large reason for my hatred of the Irish but I cannot comprehend the admiration the media has for this team year in and year out. They are the only team I know who could go 8-4 and find some way to “slip” into a BCS Bowl game. So help me if an 8-4 Irish squad finds their way into a playoff some day.

Most Overrated SEC Team: LSU. Though I have them winning the West, #1 is a little lofty right now for some reason.

Biggest Cheaters in the SEC: The Barn. (Thanks to E for this video reminder last year) EVERY Team cheats but Auburn just finds the most unique, yet visible ways to do it.

Worst SEC Fans: LSU. Until I personally see another fan base taunt an opposing fan who is a paraplegic (I swear I saw this happen in person), these corndogs will own the crown. Also, being at the 2012 BCS Title Game, as well as a few other LSU Games where the Tigers were thumped, I have NEVER seen “Fans” leave faster in droves when defeated is imminent (Case in point: 3rd Quarter @ BCS Title Game). Gary was right: LSU Fans do not care about winning…. they care about alcohol, partying and fist fighting. I’m willing the bet if you gave any LSU fan the choice of a 10-2 season where they drank free for a year, had a winnable fist fight at the end of the bowl game and a corndog from a reputable vendor on Bourbon Street afterwards OR an undefeated National Title winning year that was without good booze and a corndog or even a shoving match, they’d take the former EVERY TIME.

Strangest thing you’ve ever seen on a road trip to an opposing team: Home Team’s ringing of cowbells to show pleasure and pride in one’s Team. If I live to be 1,000 I will never understand how a cow walking on to a field is something to not only be remembered, but celebrated. Mississippi State is the Karl Childers of life. When I think of Mississippi State, I think of THIS.

Favorite Road Game Bar/Restaurant: Cat’s Meow. I’m not a huge fan of Karaoke bars where patrons have to endure hours of awful renditions of “I will survive” or “You’re the one that I want” but this place is the definite exception. When going to away games @ LSU, it is a must to stay in New Orleans on Bourbon Street and go to Cat’s Meow.

Predict this year’s biggest Football Scandal: SEC being denied 2 Teams in BCS Title for the 2nd Straight Year (LSU, Alabama or South Carolina will be dissed)

Alabama would claim a National Championship if: Squirrel diatribe time…..I understand this question but cannot think of anything coy to write but would like to take this time to extend upon what Gary wrote earlier. Gary got it right, 1941 is the ONLY bogus National Title the Tide claims and I would love to talk to the former S.I.D and ask, why? If the Tide was going to claim a bogus National Title that made more sense, they should have found some random poll in 1966 and claim that year. Reason: Bama went undefeated, won the SEC and destroyed Nebraska in the Sugar 34-7 yet was denied a 3rd straight AP Title because the pollsters went moron and gave the AP to Notre Dame and the UPI to Michigan State because these two yanks tied 10-10. The Bear called the 1966 team “the greatest team he ever coached”. They were ROBBED. If Bama was to claim a “mythical” National Title, why not 1945? Reason: The Tide finished 10-0, Won the SEC, Beat Southern Cal in the Rose Bowl 34-14 and was crowned National Champs by the National Championship Foundation (A legitimate poll recognized by the NCAA and is used by the likes of Michigan and Notre Dame in claiming National Titles). Claiming 1941 makes ZERO sense since Bama 9-2 and did not win the SEC (Mississippi State’s ONLY SEC Title). This “claim” is the reason Bama is the receiver of many a joke. I honestly have no issue with Bama claiming 14 (1925, 1926, 1930, 1934, 1941, 1961, 1964, 1964, 1973, 1978, 1979, 1992, 2009 and 2011) or for that matter, Ole Miss claiming 3 (1959, 1960, 1962). My justification revolves around the absurdity of the Associated Press Poll coupled with the lack of the NCAA to take charge and create a Championship system for Division IA College Football. Up until 1965, the AP crowned their Champion BEFORE the bowls…..huh? Are we to believe that a bunch of nerdy writers were able to judge who was the best team prior to the invention of HDTV’s with the capabilities of EVERY game being televised. Teams were forced to play in a system that was broken, a system in which they had no control over who they played in bowls (strictly on the basis of Conference allegiance to bowls) and we just had to let the chips fall where they may? AP, UPI, NCA, FWAA and most every other poll out there is decent in my eyes because there were numerous teams who finished undefeated or who had better overall seasons than those who won AP or UPI National Titles.

Best SEC V. Non-Conference Game you have attended: 2009 Cotton Bowl (Ole Miss v. Texas Tech). This was the last game played in the original Cotton Bowl. Texas Tech thought they got “robbed” because in a 3 way tie, they were left out of the Big 12 Championship Game. Moreover, Texas Tech didn’t make a BCS Game and was beaten by Ole Miss by 3 TD’s. S.E.C!!!

Worst SEC V. Non-Conference Game you have attended: Alabama V. East Carolina, 1998 (Legion Field). I went to this game with my entire family and we walked out of the stadium questioning why we even bothered going. Alabama was up 23-3 in the 3rd Quarter yet had to hang on for dear life, with a little help from the S.E.C Refs who started the play clock late on 4th down with 24 seconds, to win the game 23-22. God bless Mike DuBose.

Best Game you watched that didn’t involve your team: That I was in attendance for? At the time in 2003, I was fully engrained with Ole Miss and was at the Ole Miss-Auburn Game in Auburn. When Obomanu caught the pass on Auburn’s last drive and ran 70 yards before being tackled, I had NEVER heard a stadium that loud in my life (now the 2nd loudest since last years BCS Title Game in the Superdome). Obomanu dropped a pass on 4th down and Ole Miss left Auburn 6-0 and had a week off before playing LSU in Oxford….. what might have been. If this game doesn’t count for me then I choose LSU V. Arkansas, 2005 (Tiger Stadium). That rivalry game comes down to the wire every year and is amazing 9 years out of 10.

First Game you attended (Your Team), year and opponent: Alabama V. Florida (Bryant-Denny, 1990). Gene Stallings first year, second game. Florida blocked a punt to win the game 17-13. Squirrel cried. Bama would go on to win 7 of the last 8 and made it to the Fiesta Bowl where they got rocked by Louisville. You are welcome, Andy Johnson.

Underrated Player from last Year: Marquis Maze. It goes without saying but he changed the complexity of the game for Alabama on special teams.

Which coach will receive the “Pour you a warm glass of shut the hell up” award for 2012 season. Basically which coach you think will deserve this b/c he has diarrhea of the mouth: Tie: Lane Kiffin and Dan Mullen. I have never heard 2 idiots talk more smack who could not back up said smack in my life. Jointly, Kiffin and Mullen are Rex Ryan minus any semblance of a personality. Hearing Mullen utter the words, “Mississippi State will win a National Championship in Football” is as funny as hearing Bill Gates say, “I am poor”. Mullen is 3-12 verse the SEC West as Head Coach. The ONLY team Mullen has beaten in the West is an Ole Miss team who has been without Leadership since 2009. Mississippi State is no closer to winning a National Title now, than they were in 1998 when they actually won the West in a year where EVERYTHING broke their way. Oh, I will pay $100 to any reporter who asks Dan Mullen about injuries. PMS’ing much Dan?
And Lane Kiffin…. Can this guy blow his nose without the help of his Dad? USC is projected to win or at least play for the National Title this year. My prediction: USC chokes and loses 2 to 3 games. I still have flashbacks to USC in 2006 and 2007. A team, stockpiled with talent losing to the likes of Oregon State and a 41 point underdog in Stanford (AT HOME!!). Chokers! USC will lose a game or 2 that they have ZERO reason to lose (@Utah or @Arizona come to mind but it may be others). Funniest thing is that the ramifications of the NCAA infractions will be felt for the next 2 or 3 years after this year so USC may need to get used to 9-3 or 8-4 for some time.

Describe your optimal Playoff/Post Season format: I preferred the BCS but since that dream died a few months ago I have come to accept the Playoff. Notice I said “accept”, not “like”, Andy. I accept that this system is how it is going to be forever and may be a gateway to having and SEC V. SEC National Championship Game EVERY YEAR but rest assure, some one will get hosed. Since the system is in place, we might as well give credit where it is deserved since I never thought something like this would be in place this soon. Perfect system within “Playoffs” would be where the Top 6 teams make it in. Because I feel the regular season should mean something, Seeds 1 and 2 would get “Bye” weeks. First week: Seed 3 plays Seed 6 and Seed 4 plays Seed 5. Games are played at the higher seeded teams home. The 1 seed gets the lowest seeded team who wins the first match up(s) with the 2 seed getting the higher seed who wins the first week match ups. Seeds 1 and 2 gets to play their games at home. The National Title Game is played by the winners of those 2 games. The National Championship Game is played in a neutral site 2 weeks later.

If you were NCAA Czar, what would you change regarding Football: Legalize some sort of “Pay for play” and set an equal cap across the board. It’s absurd that there is nothing set up now, though EVERY NCAA Team operates something underground or behind closed doors. Also, disregard any “forfeited wins” the NCAA has taken away. We were either at the game, we watched it on TV, we can go back and watch it on TV or we can read the box score. Thinking you can change the course of history or actually changing the history books is ludicrious.

Single word association with following: $EC, ACC, B1G, Big XII, PAC 12, Big East.

SEC: Daddy
ACC: Basketball
B1G: Slumpbusters
Big XII: Insecure
Pac12: Wannabes
Big East: Metro (This is everything you are imagining from the days of the Metro Conference, Louisville and Cincinnati, as well as all things that fall under the “Metro tree”. This would consist of ALL of the following: Line beards, flat bills, tattoos, multiple piercings, hair gel, spray tans, tanning beds, tight jeans, MMA shirts, domestic violence, meth, Corvettes, Camaros, Mustangs, working out 18 hours a day on biceps only, red bull, tank tops, cargo pants, jean shorts, watching WWE over Monday Night Football, idolizing “Jersey Shore”, and the like.

How many games outside your preferred conference do you watch (from beginning to end) each week? : Beginning to end, None. That said, I do I love watching high ranked teams verse low ranked teams in other conferences. I always cheer for the lower/unranked team unless said higher ranked team is playing Notre Dame or Boise State in which case I cheer for the higher ranked team. I usually watch 8 to 10 games from other Conference in bits and pieces, a quarter here and a quarter there.

Best Cheerleading Squad?: “Cheerleaders” as in competition, the best is Kentucky (Banners hanging in Rupp). “Cheerleaders” as in easy on the eyes, USC or Oregon with the nod going to USC for a snippet of what I saw in the 2007 Rose Bowl. Search for the clip I am referring to at your own risk. Trust me….you WILL know when you have found it.

If your favorite team was swallowed whole in a terrorist attack (Dark Knight Style), without the possibility that the team would be re-constituted in any fashion, would you A) Choose another team; B) Root for my Conference Brethren; C) Lose interest in NCAA football; or D) Perform harakiri as you could no longer remaining living in a world without your favorite team. B) Cheer for my Conference Bretheren, which is what I do now.

Will the UK football team have more/less wins than the UK basketball team has losses. Equivalent. I see the over/under for both at 4.

Do you know the difference in a Power O and Iso? Yes but I am more of an Historian than an X’s and O’s Guy.

Which fanbase is most likely to shop at Wal-Mart for its gameday apparel? College: Mississippi State, Pro: New Orleans Saints. I would love to look at Wal-Mart’s accounting books and see how much of said apparel is purchased at the Pearl and Flowood Stores. Astounding figures.

Can you rationally defend the $EC desire to constantly chant the name of a conference as opposed to your particular school’s favorite chant? Yes. Here is why: The South is unlike ANY other place on the planet. We are the butt of most every joke in the United States yet we know we live in the greatest region in the greatest country in the world. Rest assured, almost every SEC Fanbase hates each other but we treat each other like family (for the most part). We are the best at everything awesome and we know it (I have visions of “Ricky Bobby” as I type this). When I think of the SEC, I think of the USA. Dominance, Greatness, The place so awesome that every other country hates you because they wish they could BE you. We stick up for each other. Rationale for chanting: Think about it…. when “The Flying Squirrel”, Gabby Douglas, won the Gold in individual gymnastics, I don’t recall anyone chanting “Virginia” (Gabby’s birth state) nor “Iowa” (the state where she trained for the Gold). I heard the fans chanting “USA USA USA USA USA USA”. When the SEC wins, why not chant “SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC SEC”? It absolutely pisses other Conferences off and it reinstates that we are the greatest because our best just beat your best. As Drew Kirkland said, “If you don’t want us to chant it, beat us”.

Other random thoughts:

I hope this email was EVERYTHING Mike and Courtney Rettew dreamt it would be. This also goes for everyone else who withstood my litany of dribble and has gotten this far. I tried to give as much thought to all of my answers as I could. My main point is to provide thoughtful and truthful dialogue with entertainment coming in a distant second though if you were entertained, that’ll work too.

I’m not as doom and gloom as Andy Johnson but maybe that because my Conference is in a state of dominance. I do understand his justification for some of his talking points though:

1) I too also believe the NCAA had no business making a ruling on the Penn State scandal and in a strange way, actually did Penn State a favor by giving them the sanctions they handed down. I’m calling it now…. The 2016 signing class for Penn State is going to be better than most would think. That said, I hope Jerry Sandusky dies the most horrible agonizing death imaginable and I wish those who helped cover up these horrific acts the same fate.

2) I’m not sold on the supposed “dominance” of the Pac12. Oregon will be good for the foreseeable future but I cannot be sold on Lane Kiffin @ USC until he proves he can win anything of substance. The only thing Kiffin has won is the love and affection of a woman he has no business being with (money had to have changed hands when Layla agreed to marry him). Though Kiffin’s numbers have gone in the right direction over the last 3 seasons (7-6 @ Tennessee, 8-5 & 10-2 the last 2 years @ USC) I see a plateau this year with results similar to 2011 and eventual decline in the years to come.

3) I echo Gary Rehm’s sentiment for Mike Gundy and Oklahoma State. I applaud Gundy for being a man and 40 as his efforts to stick up for his players but Oklahoma State and Boise State are pretty much the same team with the same plight and the same whining, cry baby fans. Anyone who loses to Iowa State has no business playing for the National Championship or complaining about how “unfair” the system is. Further, if you play ONE tough game a year and sprinkle in other Non-Conference powers like Montana State, I have no sympathy for you. And to ANY Poke Fans out there that happen to read this, just because Oklahoma State beat Oklahoma for the 2nd time in 20 years is no reason to think yall are now a force to be reckoned with. Justin Blackmon has gone to do his drinking and driving in the NFL and Brandon Weedon is gone as well. I can’t name a player on your team nor do I care to know one…. Chances are there are millions of people who join me in this sentiment. Welcome back to reality as well as a life of 7-5 or 8-4 with annual trips to the Alamo or Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl (formerly the Insight Bowl). I wonder if T-Boone would break me off a few Mil instead of wasting it on a 3rd tier Big XII Program?

4) This years’ College Football Season will be very special for me and Becca. If all goes as planned, around week 2 or 3 of this years’ Season we will have a Son named Thatcher. As he grows, I look forward to taking my Son to games around the South and raising him in the Culture of the S.E.C.. I look forward to the Midnight feedings so I can catch these mystical Pac12 games Andy Johnson referred to featuring the likes of Arizona State, UCLA and Washington State. Maybe Me, John, Drew, Mike Rettew, Andy Johnson, Alan McCormick and every other Dad or future Dad on this chain can set up a tandem skype to see who can change a diaper the fastest or have a contest with bets on whose kid can poop the fastest after feeding? This year is going to be awesome regardless of whether the Tide hangs #15 or whether the S.E.C keeps the National Titles streak alive at 7 years in a row. I love football but I’ve got bigger fish to fry. As long as my Son and Wife are healthy this time next year, I don’t care if Notre Dame wins the National Title. I’ve heard nothing compares to being a Father and I cannot wait to see what that feeling is like. I know all of this may come off as being unexpectedly sentimental and possibly cheesy but I am honored to have you ALL as friends. My life kicks a$$ and you all are a huge part of it in some way shape or form. Whether you have known me a month, a year, 10 years or 20 years or longer, thank you all for the awesome times we have had so far…… Rest assured, WE ARE JUST GETTING THIS PARTY STARTED! I vision a day when our kids are in their 20’s and are on this chain talking smack with all of US. In closing, Props again to John Kirkland and (then) Bailey Hopper for making a last ditch effort to call me at 3:45am on April 25, 2009 to get me to go to Dave Matthews in Nashville. Last and most importantly an eternal Thank You to my Wife Becca for inviting me to Nashville in the first place and for saying “I do”…..Tick tock ya don’t stop! Gary, Becca said she heard Thatcher “Full-o-Bama” Tew say “Roll Tide, Suckas”. Holla at ‘cha boy!

SQUIRREL

Thanks to everyone that’s participated in this.

Tags: ,

NCAA: Vigilante Justice

24 Jul

As a sports fan and a former admirer of Joe Paterno, I was disgusted, appalled and felt cheated when the allegations of the Penn State cover-up first surfaced late last year.

These emotions went into full blown outrage when the extensively researched Freeh Report was released and the truth was brought to light. Paterno, A man who was once revered as one of the greatest coaches of all time, a pillar of the community and a saint of Penn State Fans and most of college athletics is now seen and known as a reprehensible human being and a man who merits nothing but a waste of existence.

Outside of the morons at NAMBLA, no one can condone the behavior which took place within the confines of the executive members of Penn State athletic department, namely football. Sentencing has not yet taken place for Jerry Sandusky but he will spend the rest of his life in jail. Former Penn State Senior Vice President Gary Schultz, former Penn State Athletic Director Tim Curley and former President Graham Spanier will all be charged and will more than likely face jail time, all deservedly so as well.

All of the charges thus far I agree with but the action taken today by the NCAA are in my eyes, vigilante justice run wild. Dr. Mark Emmert took it upon himself to charge Penn State with the following:

*$60 Million Dollar Fine which will be used to be to start an endowment for abused children
*4 year bowl ban
*4 year ban from the Big 10 Championship
*A cap of 15 scholarships per year (normally 25)
*All wins from 1998 through 2011 vacated

Many have applauded the actions taken by the NCAA but I look at this situation as a sports fan in fear. As insane as this may sound, I ask the question: Where does it stop?

Dr. Emmert stated that this situation was special and would not be used to “open pandora’s box” but are we to believe these words which are breathed from a man who runs an organization who has no rules and in essence, answers to no one? The NCAA generates billions of dollars each year yet has the audacity to refer to itself as a “Non Profit”.

What’s to stop the NCAA from handing down punishment to any school who has athletes or coaches who have criminal charges? I know, I know, this is the biggest scandal in the history of sports and something “had to be done” but few people have even questioned the manner in which Emmert decided to impose the sanction upon Penn State.

Earlier today, Washington Post Columnist and Sirius XM Radio Host John Feinstein appeared on The Jim Rome Show. Feinstein questioned whether this was even an athletic matter to begin with? Truthfully, this is a criminal matter and has been handled justly thus far in the courts. The fact that the NCAA got involved makes them look that much worse. The NCAA has turned this in to a sports issue when this had nothing to do with sports in the first place, this all is a criminal matter.

Most alarming: Few know that Penn State signed off on these sanctions before they were even announced. The penalties the NCAA imposed where nothing but a plea bargain. Emmert appeared to stern in his reckoning but in a strange way, he and the NCAA actually did Penn State a huge favor in handing them out this laundry list of sanctions which spared them the “Death Penalty”.

In Feinstein’s words, the 2016 Penn State Football staff can offer football recruits an amazing advantage: If you come play at Penn State you will not sit the bench your Freshman year. So true. Moreover, the fans of Penn State will find every conceivable way to rally behind a team who has been hit with what appear on the outside to be insurmountable sanctions when in reality, if Emmert truly wanted to “punish” Penn State, he would given them the death penalty and taken the team away from the fans for 2 years or better yet, not even gotten involved at all and let the criminal justice system continue to gut the program as it has done, will continue to do and was meant to do.

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